Friday, July 27, 2018

On your first birthday

My sweet Tommy, you are every good word I can think of and today you are one! One whole year of bringing your dad and I more joy than I could ever have imagined. I can't believe you've already been a part of our family for a whole year and yet I can't imagine life without you!
Before you were born, and all I knew about you was that you liked to kick me in the ribs, I tried to imagine who you would be. What you would look like, what it would feel like to feel you in my arms finally, to breathe in your sweet baby smell? I wondered what color your eyes would be, would you have any hair? (And oh boy, do you have the most fantastic wild head of hair, I could never have predicted!) I wondered how becoming your mama would change me, change my whole life forever.
And then bam! One last visit to the midwife at 39 weeks, one more meal at the dining table where I silently thought "this was it" but didn't speak it out loud yet in case I had longer to wait. But thankfully we only had to wait a few more hours, the longest strangest hours of waiting before you entered the delivery room and our world forever at 9:06am.
So strange, so magical, how in the span of a minute, a second, in one last exhale I suddenly had a son. I suddenly, and immediately knew I would never find the bottom of the depths of my love for you. It overwhelms me. And all my imagining and dreaming about who you would be, fell short. You are infinitely more wonderful, more precious, more beautiful, more lovable, more perfectly and completely exactly you, more more more.
And since that magical day one year ago we have spent every. single. day. with together. How lucky am I? What sweet joy it's been watching you grow before my eyes and turn from a squirmy, squishy newborn into the wiggly, wild little boy you are today. The first thing people notice about you (after your awesome head of hair) is you amazing contagious beautiful smile! You are the definition of a happy baby and that has made me the happiest, proudest mama. Nothing turns a day around like a smile from you. You spread joy wherever you go little one. 
You are funny and loud and messy. You are content, you're curious, you're always wide open mouth, screaming excited! You waddle, stumble, trip, fall happily head first into everything you do. Most days I wish I had a helmet for you or padding around every piece of furniture we own, but you love exploring and I love your fearless energy.
You chase around the dog, you're a face grabber and a hair puller, and just when I think you'll never stop moving and I'm looking for nap time, you pause and snuggle your little head in my lap. And it's usually just for a few seconds before you take off again at full speed but it's enough to know that you have me wrapped around your little chubby finger. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. It is a glimpse of your sweet sweet tender heart and I pray you will continue to grow up to be both strong and kind, wild and generous with love.
I am endlessly thankful that God chose me to be your mama. What a privilege I'm only beginning to understand. I feel like we've done a lot of learning and growing up together this year. I miss each month we leave behind but get so excited to see what new things you'll discover next.  What will make you laugh this month,  what will make you scrunch up your nose?
This has been the best year of my life! Not a cliche. No question about it.  And as hard I try, no words, and certainly no blog post, will ever be adequate. You are my greatest accomplishment. Happy birthday Tommy! I love you forever and ever, amen.

3 comments :

  1. Happy birthday to your little man and my wish for him (and you & his dad) is that there will be so many wonderful blessings ahead for you all!!

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  2. Happy First Birthday, Tommy and Happy First Year, Shannon!

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  3. And now you know how I feel. I love you so very much and my pride is overwhelming. XOXOX HSK Dad

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