I feel like I've finally reached a place, a landmark, that I've been clawing to get to for years and I don't want to miss the beauty of being right here because I'm too busy wondering when or what the next stop will be. I don't want to be constantly running through lists and road maps in my head. I want to be quiet and still so I can hear Him speak into this year.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
a slow start
I've been dragging my feet a bit as we entered 2016. A new year is an exciting chance to start fresh, to make changes, to do better, to do more. But at the same time I always feel that kind of heavily. There's a lot of pressure at the New Year and I always fear that I'm about to dive in head first, too fast, and I'll just crash and burn by February. I don't like to start something I can't finish and I don't like to do something that I can't do perfectly, it's not exactly a character strength and there's not a lot of grace there. It means I feel some guilt that during this first week of the new year, when everyone is setting goals and picking words and starting projects, I'm still in my Christmas pjs and I've already had to use white-out in my brand new day planner.
When I think about this new year I don't really know what it will look like, or even what I would want it to look like. Today all I had planned was to get my oil changed, and work on thank you notes, and get Hunley groomed, and at some point this week I suppose I need to start taking down the Christmas decorations. Other than that I don't have any real concrete goals for this year except to be a good wife and a better Christ follower. But that's enough, for now anyway. I think God has given me this rare year, chalk full of white space, with nothing on the calendar, no major plans or life changes as far as I can see, and I think it's meant to be a gift. A chance to stop planning, stop always looking forward and just abide in Him.