But then I catch myself meal planning, grocery shopping for our family, and hiring painters, and antique shopping for a must-have hutch. All very grown up tasks if you ask me.
Lorelai: "You know the one thing that grown-ups don't call themselves?"
So maybe not so much. But as newlywed grown-ups we have fallen into our new routine pretty smoothly. T.J has his crazy all consuming hospital that owns him. He wakes up before the sun, gets out of bed much more quickly and intentionally than I would at that hour. He eats a clementine and leaves a couple pieces on the counter for me when I eventually rise. Sometimes I lift my head and groggily gay goodbye, usually I pull an extra blanket over me since the bed is now colder without him. And then I don't see him until he escapes the hospital many many hours later.
Many many hours that I have all to myself. Figuring out this new alone time, how to fill the day, pass the hours and make it mean something is my new normal. One day I hope and pray to be a stay at home mom, but that's a little ways off still. So suddenly on January fourth, I found myself a stay at home wife. I was excited about this new title, a new chapter, a new purpose. I see value in taking care of our home, doing the grocery shopping, making sure we have clean clothes, and made beds and a comfortable, loving place for T.J. to return to after working so hard. I love that I can take that burden off of his shoulders.
But at the same time I see this tendency in me to be shy, afraid of putting myself out there, and honestly a little lazy and unmotivated when I'm alone for too long. So what do I do with all that free time, once the chores, and the to-do lists, and the laundry, are done? I'm still figuring it out, and I'm glad I've had these few months to just settle in and get my bearings. And now God, with His perfect timing, is calling me off the futon, out from behind the closed doors in a quiet house where I maybe sometimes hide and pretend to be busier than I really am. And He's showing me where He wants me to plant roots. Providing me with a place to go, a reason to change out of yoga pants, a community to dig into.
I knew moving out here that I wanted to continue to be involved in my most favorite ministry, Young Life. It was the only idea that I had when I considered getting a new job, if I even got a job. It was the only thing that seemed right and that I felt excited about because in my gut that was God telling me to pursue it. Finally I would have the time and freedom I lacked when working full time in D.C. to really pour out myself in ministry. But I wasn't sure where or how I would be used. And then a month or so before we tied the knot the area director out here (who I had previously connected with back in the Fall on one of my visits) let me know that a part time position as the Admin was opening up.
So now I'm working a few hours a week, in a job that's fun, with an organization whose mission I wholeheartedly believe in and the best part is I'm still able to be the kind of wife I want to be. I still have time to be at home, taking care of our family, so that when T.J. finally walks through the door at night I can have dinner ready, I'm not beaten down from a rough commute, I can be someone that someone would want to come home to.
And of course, if you couldn't tell from the quote above, some days I still just embrace the laziness and binge watch Gilmore Girls. But I am a fan of this new routine. It's just right for right now, God is so good. I am having so much fun!