The Date Setting Saga

Y'all... that pesky wedding date. It is the first thing everyone asks about, and it's the first thing you need to figure out in order to plan or book anything else, and it is the one thing that is 100% out of my control and it is pushing me over the edge. Maybe I was a little naive, but I thought setting the date meant you got to pick the date. I thought it would go something like this...

--Hey love, want to marry me on this day? 
--Sure, babe!

Instead it has been a delicate balance of figuring out what's available on what dates, then not getting my hopes up, then figuring out if T.J. can even be off for those dates in the first place, and taking into consideration the families, and deciding if that's what the two of us even want to in the first place.

So to do this T.J. emailed me his hospital rotation schedule for his first year of residency and showed me the blocks of time from now through June 2015 that are no-go's. Then my parents called all the venues that I liked and asked for possible dates now through the end of 2014.  We found out there are a several Fridays and just a couple open Saturdays available. Then T.J. emailed to the program director to feel out when they think would be a good time for us to get married. Simultaneously, my mom met with the event coordinators at my first choice venue and put the space and the caterer on standby. The hospital responded and said November/December is a slower time. T.J. emailed  back with a specific Saturday and now we're back to waiting for word from the hospital. Only then can we move forward and sign contracts and exhale.

You may be wondering why I'm even trying to plan something for this year when there are so many extenuating circumstances. Why don't I just wait and get married in a year when we'd have more time to figure it all out? Well, it's because T.J. is moving to Washington next week and I am not. I'm staying behind, for now, and that sucks.  So maybe now you're thinking that the logical thing would be for me to just move out there with him from the get go and we could just live together and get married whenever.

But I don't want to do that so hear me out.

You have to know I am longing to live with T.J. Truly I cannot wait to blend our lives together. His futon and my girly, according to him, daybed. I am so over the moon excited to not be long distance, to start and end every day with him. I've had this traditional fairy tale in my head since I was a little girl and I can't just let that go, despite what is now pretty socially acceptable these days. I want to cross the threshold of our new home as his wife not his fiance/girlfriend/roommate. That is not the easy path, and it puts more pressure on us to find a closer date because my stomach churns when I think about being 3,000 miles apart until next spring.

Maybe the reasons for living together before marriage are rational, convenient, obvious. Solutions to the problem of distance. But my heart is overruled by the emotional and spiritual reasons to not do that. I've waited my whole life to live with my husband and I will wait a little longer. And, really in the grand scheme of things, when we've decided to spend forever together, what's a few more months apart?

So the great date setting saga will continue. And in the meantime I am praying for patience and for peace about what ever happens. Because believe me, I'm marrying T.J. whether we can make it happen this year or we have to wait ten years and it's gonna be the best day ever. (But please oh please let it be this year.)

"I wait for the Lord. My whole being waits and in His word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning." Psalm 130:5-6


  1. I'm with you - just because living together is becoming the norm doesn't mean that's something that's right for everyone to do. Good luck with your wedding date!

  2. Love your sweet heart. Everything will be beautiful and will happen sometime : )

  3. Oh, Shannon, you make my heart smile so BIG with your precious convictions about marriage. GOOD FOR YOU! And, I just believe that the Lord is going to honor you and TJ for this consious choice and you two will be married sooner than later. Blessings abundant!

  4. Bless you and T.J. It will happen as it is supposed to, and hopefully that is this year!! I know you will keep us posted!

  5. First, congrats! I very much admire your dream. I also appreciate that you believe in waiting to live together until marriage. It's not done much anymore and you are setting a good example. I pray everything works out (it will) and that you will be living as husband and wife very soon.


Post a Comment