The sky just looks a little different these days, the light, the color.
The air is a little more brisk and the sun is less brutal.
I pulled out my favorite boots from their box under my bed today.
I wrapped up in a chunky sweater and I kicked up some leaves on my walk to the metro.
This time of year just feels so fresh, so alive to me, even as the green colors fade and the leaves fall.
I love the smells and the way the breeze makes me want to wrap my hands around a cup of something warm.
I know this season is so fleeting and before I'm ready it will simply be cold.
But for now I just inhale that cool air and feel revived.
I'm pretty terrified. But also I'm not.
I don't know anyone on the worship team personally, I haven't really practiced, and I've never played with a full band before, it's usually just little ol' me and my guitar in front of my high school friends. It's highly likely that I will embarrass myself.
Last week I very nearly cancelled. I was all in my head and fretting about not being good enough or prepared enough. Even last night as I was practicing the two songs I've chosen to play (Jesus Paid it All and From the Inside Out) I was getting more and more nervous picturing the situation I had gotten myself into. What had motivated me to put my name and email address on that form and drop it in the offering basket that Sunday?
And then I remembered that I had been sitting in the pew, hands open, singing these words, raising them up as an offering to the heavens.
"I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven
I give it all to You God
trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me"
(Will Reagan- Nothing I Hold To)
The music is quite possibly my favourite part of church and my favourite way to worship my Saviour. And tonight I get to sing and play songs with other people who are passionate about praising Him with music. And I want to enjoy it. I want my spirit to feel light and free, not fearful.
"The art of losing myself in bringing You praise..."
(Hillsongs- From the Inside Out)
I'm not doing this so I can prove how good I am, but so I can praise the One who created the seasons and is deserving of all my songs. If I don't make the band, that's okay. I'll still sing and praise the Lord even if it's just in the quiet of my bedroom with no audience but Him.